Wednesday, 12 August 2015

My meeting with Aliko Dangote's girlfriend

It was a lazy evening and we were all sitting in the house complaining about how Nina bought two thousand naira beans that was tasteless and how she couldn't even share with me who travelled all the way across the country on her behalf.

Suddenly, everywhere went quiet, a little breeze blew and we heard the most sonorous voice ever beckoning Nina informing her of its presence. It stepped into our parlor amidst much anticipation as to what kind of human wears the kind of perfume that would fill a whole apartment in Lagos. When she stepped in we knew.Shehad the skin of mermaids, the smile of angels, and the eyes of a baby; oh those eyes, they exuded such innocence you would be willing to thrust your heart into her arms.

She smiled at us and greeted us while sitting down carelessly like she was not aware of the effect she had on us. I felt immediately sorry for my male friend in the room because even though he was incredibly handsome I could feel the over powering effect her beauty had on him.

Nina introduced us and I conversed with her lightly trying to hide the fact that I felt like a second hand citizen in her presence.

After we talked for a while we offered her the beans that nearly caused World War III in the house and she dismissed it with a wave of hand claiming she was dieting and instead offered us snack bars instead. The effect of the dieting was very clear because with that body she could easily pass for a super model.

The reason I was in Lagos that day, was for Nina's elaborate party that was supposed to take place on the sea and I was sure this mermaid will be happy to be near her people throughout the party. It was time to prepare and we had to shower, as Nina's most important people; I and Mermaid were allocated one room to share with a bathroom and for the first time in my life I was ashamed to take off my clothes. I have always been an unapologetic nudist terrorizing my friends with all my glory anytime I was indoors so this was a big deal! How could I become nude with this perfection near me? When she stripped, hard as I tried not to stare I saw a body that was both curvy and firm everything was still in place no sign of sagging or wear and tear her complexion was even all the way through well it had to be when she was using a cream that was worth the same amount as a Director’s salary.

We gisted as we prepared for the party shared make up checked out each other’s outfit and all that girly stuff. She seemed nice, soft spoken and easy to be with. She offered to drive me to the venue because she knew I couldn't possibly be with a car in Lagos when I’m coming from Abuja. When I saw the car I couldn't help but drool but of course you would if you see a car that cost ten million naira won't you.

We arrived at Nina's elaborate party and dined and wined with the rich, famous, and wanna be's Nina's boyfriend is a Lagos big boy so obviously we had a Lagos party. I think we bonded over the Lagos party or something because after the party when we were recovering Nina casually taunted the mermaid saying

'So Dangote has been your boo all this while and you've been keeping quiet forming nothing" to which she replied

"Is that something to brag about when he will soon leave me for the next one" She went on to tell us how hard she had to work on her body and her carriage to be in that position but she knew it will be over before she can say Jack.

I spinned back to consciousness, so one man will discard this queen of mermaids like a piece of trash because he has more money than he can use, because people of this world worship the very ground that he walks on, because he is the most successful businessman in Africa. Interesting how we take life too seriously some of us want to kill ourselves because of this life. Sit back and think what is your life all about what are you living for find your purpose pursue it but most of all be happy not because of anybody or what they can give you but because of yourself and your Creator.



Monday, 10 August 2015

10 Reasons Why She Will Leave you (and how to fix it)

Ok so after much perusing, gisting and a little bit of a personal experience I've come with ten major reasons why a woman will leave a man.
Most men act confused and lost when their special someone leaves them because they don't really know what they have done wrong and end up blaming women calling them heartless and other names I really don't care for right now.
That's why I'm here to enlighten you in case you didn't know she probably left or will leave you because of one of these reasons sit back and enjoy :)
  • Boring personality:  Of course when your gists just makes her eyes water and become drowsy she will leave you for the next person that at least makes her laugh. Nobody likes to be perpetually bored and when you keep boring her to death will your dull lifestyle of course she will find who ever can light up her day.                                                                                                                                               
  • Remedy: Learn how to converse, take her out to fun filled places with exciting people make sure you don't deprive her of visiting places she loves or doing things she loves

  • Female best friend: You may never notice and you may think your girlfriend is going crazy but most times if you have a best friend of the opposite sex that is not your sibling your relationships may not prosper. That so called best friend may be secretly in love with you and will try her best to sabotage the relationship or if not your girl is just not comfortable with the fact that you give another woman your precious time. Unfortunately some women sometimes see each other as a threat and if they are not graceful enough to leave peacefully you might just have to be telling one of them goodbye.                                                                                                                                                     
  • Remedy: You can still keep your best friend but stop talking about her to your girlfriend and start planning your time with the best friend so you won't have to deprive your girlfriend of your time because of another woman. Also if possible don't plan outings or whatever with both of them in tow especially if one or the other have voiced feelings of being uncomfortable around the other person

  • Cheating: But this is elementary so I wonder why men that cheat still act confused when their woman leaves them, and then there's also that ex factor and if she sees you're still hung up on your ex she might be walking out that door before you say it                                                                                                               
  • Remedy: Don't cheat! and if you are still hung up on your ex why will you be dragging another woman into your messed up situation. Think about this.

  • Not spending money: Everybody loves beautiful things and every woman likes to feel like a spoiled princess once in a while. If you cant take her to nice places buy her nice things and spoil her once in a while she will feel that you don't love her enough to spend on her and move on to the next cheerful spender that comes along.
  • Remedy: Please don't be stingy you have to spend money to be romantic whether you like it or not I didn't say empty your bank account but do the little you can and she will see no reason to leave you.

  • Not having money: If you don't have this 'root of all evil' you will be seen as a lazy man who lacks ambition and is in order words, useless. Honestly the average woman will not waste time to leave you when she finds out.                               Remedy: Work hard and make money

  • Boring in the bedroom: For those who have decided to practice it extra maritally you have to be good because when there's no passion in that area she won't even realize it when she starts looking for someone to make up for it.                
  • Remedy: If you must do it then please read books on it or watch videos to make you better at it

  • Male best friend: All these best friends sef anyway no matter how you trust your best friend don't make it a habit to always leave him and your bae alone always especially if you know he's more interesting than you are. Even if he's not, shoving another man into your girls face all the time is not exactly the best relationship tip.  Women can be funny you will be shocked when she will suddenly discover that he's her missing rib not you lol and your friend may also be the funnier one trying to convince her of the fact.                                                                                      
  • Remedy: If you cannot be there with her at the moment then let her be with her friends or just leave her alone. You don't have to delegate your role to your best friend maybe once or twice doesn't hurt but not all the time.

  • Unavailability: There's nothing a woman hates more than turning around to look at her man and seeing air, abeg except you have a tangible reason to be away all the time find time to nurture your relationship with your bae stop leaving her hanging or else someone else will fill up that gap.                                                               
  • Remedy: If your job demands it talk to her about it and make sure she is the kind of woman that can cope because women love attention from the men they love.

  • Lies: You are a pathological liar you lie about everything even what you had for breakfast. Ah ah bros if you lie so much you start looking like a confused clown. Stop lying foolish lies because whether you want to admit it she is smart and most times she just pretends like she believes you because she doesn't have the energy to deal with it.                                                                                                         
  • Remedy: Don't keep doing shitty stuff if you know you'll keep lying about it its not wise. Be a man of your words a man of dignity and your woman will treat you like the king that you are.

  • She has moved up and you are still down: Women love with respect if she can't respect you the love fades if she has moved up to a higher level in life like going to college, getting a job, meeting important people etc. and you are still stuck in a rut she will start looking for a man that will match up to her lifestyle.
  • Remedy: Always be the best at what you do be ahead of your game and people will want to be around you

Have a lovely day peeps *bows out*